Finding Freedom From Bondage — Ervin Esh

Ervin Esh shares his testimony of finding freedom from bondage. Growing up in a Christian Amish home, a boyhood vow to "do whatever it takes to have friends" set him on a path that led, by age 14, to a pornography addiction he could not break. He recounts years of repeatedly resolving to quit on his own willpower—before dating, at engagement, at marriage, and after his daughter’s birth—each attempt failing after a few months, until he concluded he was beyond hope and destined for hell, even wrestling with despairing, suicidal thoughts. After the family left the Amish, a persistent couple kept visiting and pointed him to baptism. In desperation he prayed a raw prayer of surrender—"I’m not going to try; you’re going to have to change me"—and at his baptism experienced a decisive, unmistakable change: a new peace, a hunger for Scripture, disgust at his old music, and the temptations simply gone. He credits the hidden, faithful prayers of his wife Sadie, his father, and his brother Michael, and testifies that keeping his relationship with Jesus vibrant is what sustains his freedom. He closes by describing a fresh call, confirmed for both him and his wife, to move to South Dakota to help with a boys’ program near an Indian reservation. Audience members respond with encouragement, tying his story to Romans 1:16 and the surrender of the thief on the cross.

Key Points:

– A childhood vow to win friends at any cost opened the door to choices that led to a pornography addiction by age 14.

– Repeated attempts to quit by sheer willpower always failed after a few months, driving him to hopelessness and even suicidal reasoning about how to reach heaven.

– The turning point was total surrender: confessing everything to God and praying that God—not his own effort—would have to change him through baptism.

– At his baptism he experienced a real, lasting transformation—peace, desire for the Bible, loss of appetite for his old music, and freedom from the temptations that had bound him.

– Hidden, persistent prayer by his wife Sadie, his father, and his brother Michael was instrumental; he later learned how much others had been interceding for him.

– Ongoing freedom depends on daily relationship with Jesus and accountability; neglecting devotional time let temptations creep back. He closes with a confirmed call to serve in South Dakota.

Scripture References: Romans 1:16

Guide me, O Thou great Jehovah, pilgrim through this barren land. Welcome everyone on here this morning. Thank you for joining us. I am happy to announce that we have Brother Ervin Esh with us this morning, and I’m sure it will be a blessing to hear from Ervin as he shares his story, his testimony of how he met the Lord and experienced God’s grace in his life. So, Ervin, are you ready to get started here? And if you are, I will pray for you and we’ll open the meeting. Sure.

Let’s just pause and pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you for this day. We thank you for your kindness. And we come to you this morning in the name of Jesus, asking for your blessing, your anointing on this meeting and on Brother Ervin as he shares his story of experiencing your grace in his life. And we ask that you would give clarity. We ask for your grace in sharing this story so that it can bring honor and glory to the name of Jesus, and that your will can be accomplished and your kingdom advanced. We thank you for these things. In the name of Jesus. Amen. All right, Ervin, you may proceed.

All right. Yeah, good morning, everyone. I’m not sure how this will go yet, but I want to share what God did for me, and what he’s done in my life. And if it can help anybody—I want to share it to show people what he can do, what he does, what he has done. And he can do it for anyone.

So with that, I’ll just start with—I don’t remember a whole lot of my younger childhood, usually. I’ll start when I was nine. This is probably one of the things that impacted me when I was younger. So we lived in a double house growing up. My great uncle lived right next to us, and I would spend a lot of time with him growing up. I spent a lot of time with him out in his barn. He liked to shoe horses, and I would help him do that. Just did a lot of things with him. When I was nine years old, he died. That was pretty hard on me. But yeah, that was probably one of the first things that I really remember a whole lot of. I was nine at that time.

And then, from there—my twin brothers, Matthew and Michael, they would have been six years older than me. And when they turned 16 and started joining the youth group, they didn’t have a whole lot of friends. They got pushed back a lot from their friend group there. And for a while, they didn’t have a whole lot of friends. And I saw that. I was 10. And I remember one day, I was thinking about it. And I made a vow to myself. I said, when I get older, I’m going to do what it takes to have friends and be accepted in the youth group. I’m not going to be like that. I’m just going to do whatever it takes to have friends and to make people like me. And I always think that’s a lot of the reason why I got into some of the things I did when I was younger. I remember thinking sometimes, with the path I went down, that I probably shouldn’t do this. But I always went back to, well, if this is what it takes to have friends, I’m going to do it anyway. So I think that’s a lot of the reason why I started down that path.

But anyway, when I was 13—I grew up in a home where dad was definitely a Christian. He was definitely a born-again believer. And he tried to raise his children right. I’m not exactly sure of the age—I think probably from nine to 11, he went through books, purity books and stuff like that, with me. It’s not like he didn’t explain everything to me and talk to me about it. I just rejected most of that, for the most part, at some point.

He started counseling at a retreat, and that seemed to take up most of his time. It started as three days a week, and it didn’t last long. He was there five days a week, and often went out Saturdays yet. And he would come home evenings, and he’d be on the phone yet for a couple hours, often till nine, 10 o’clock at night, with people. And I got a little bitter through that. It seemed like he didn’t have any time anymore. Anyway, that was when I was 13.

At 14—well, I got introduced to pornography a little before 14, and I didn’t really get into it till I was 14. I was addicted to pornography. I was watching pornography pretty much regularly, as much as I could. And it would bother me, but I would just block it out. I was just having fun. And all my friends—the friends I was with at the time—we would go riding up in the mountains weekends and stuff, my friends from school, stuff like that. And a lot of them had phones, smartphones and stuff like that. So I got my first smartphone when I was 14 as well. Dad often found them and he could smash them, but I would just get more. But anyway, that started that journey.

I turned 16 and I went back to the making friends, whatever it took. And I just got to the point where—I mean, there was a friend of mine and we were often the instigators of our friends. We did a lot of things that I’m not proud of at all. And dad at that time, he started trying to reach out to me. He knew his relationship with me wasn’t good. He tried to reach out, make things right. I just pushed him away. So anyway, 16, 17 was just having fun. Kept myself busy, not to think about things.

Turned 18, and the first time I really stopped to think about the path I’m going down, and eternity, was when I was 18. I started noticing what is now my wife, and I wanted to ask her out, and it really made me stop and think where I was at in life. And at that point I decided, it’s time to clean up my life a little bit and be a better person. I was not at all ready to surrender myself. I just wanted to clean it up. I still wanted to have fun with my friends that I had, but I wanted to clean it up for the most part, mainly for my girlfriend. Yeah, I did start thinking over that time about eternity and where I was at in life, but I tried not to think about it too much. And I figured if I clean my life up, I’ll be okay.

So that went on. With my pornography addiction at the time, it was pretty bad. And I was like, well, I’ll just quit. Growing up, if I wanted to do something, I did it. If I set my mind to do something, I usually didn’t quit until it was done. It’s just how I was used to doing things. And I decided, well, I’m just going to quit watching pornography and that’ll be that. And it wasn’t quite that easy. I decided to quit, and I was determined to quit. And it lasted for a couple months. And it usually got to a point where I couldn’t get my mind off of it. I could be at work, I could be doing whatever, and this thought would just be in my mind that I couldn’t get rid of. I tried lots of different things. So I gave into that again. I was dating at the time. And I gave into that and sort of quit trying for a while again.

Life goes on. So my dad encouraged me to pray on our dates with my girlfriend, to pray and to have devotions together. So we were doing that. I wasn’t doing it out of my heart at all, just doing it because my dad encouraged me to do that. And my girlfriend appreciated that we did that. So I did that. And there again, I still tried to clean my life up on the outside, even while I was watching pornography on a regular basis, and other things. I just tried to make it look good on the outside.

I got engaged. And at that point, it was sort of the same thing. I was like, all right, it’s time to quit. I’m engaged now. Made a fresh effort to quit again. Same thing. It lasted for a couple of months, and I was back in it again. So that went on. Well, at that point, I was like, I’ll just wait. Once I get married, I’ll be able to stop all this stuff. There was—yeah, it was more than just pornography, but we’ll just—yeah. I figured all this stuff would just be easy to stop once I get married. Which was not the case at all.

We got married in November of 2020. And it was about two months after we got married that it was easy to quit. I didn’t think about it barely at all. Just newly married. And then life started being normal again, and it came back. So that went on. At that point, I really dove into money, to get my mind off of other things. I bought into a family business—me and my brother were partners there. And I pretty much just focused everything I had on making money. I put her in the company. And I got into dogs a lot, strictly to make money. I didn’t like dogs that good. But once I decided to make money, it didn’t take me long, I had 14 German Shepherd females, I believe it was something like that. Anything to make money. I was really busy.

And that went on. September of 21, we had a little girl. And that really made me stop and think again, where I was at in life. I wanted to be a good father, and I wanted to be a good husband as well. And I knew, with what I was doing, that was not going to happen. I knew it doesn’t matter how hard I try with everything I was in—if I don’t quit, there’s no way I can be a good father. So at that point, I got really, really determined to quit. Again, I was trying to do this on my own. Nobody knew about it. I didn’t tell anybody what I was all into. Just decided, all right, this is enough. I’m going to quit for my little girl.

And that determination lasted longer than it had since I was 14. It went about four or five months. And it got to a point again where I could not think anything else. I could be at work—I tried going running, running a couple miles to get it out of my mind. I tried boxing, just anything to get it off my mind, and it wouldn’t leave. So at that point I gave up. I was like, this is who I am. There’s nothing I can do about it. I accepted the fact that hell is where I was headed, and there’s nothing me or anyone else can do about it.

So there was some period of time there, after I gave up. At that point, my only reason—I shouldn’t say my only one, but the main reason I wanted to quit—was my little girl. But then I started thinking about heaven and hell, and I knew if I don’t change something, there’s no way I’m going to make it to heaven. And I had tried so hard to quit, I didn’t think it was possible. I accepted the fact that I was going to end up in hell. Yeah, I got very discouraged over that time. I went through the thought process multiple times of—okay, so I knew if the temptation comes up, I’m not strong enough to withstand it. And I knew if I don’t do something different, I’m going to hell. So the end of my thinking, I felt this through a few different times, I was like—if right after I sin, if I would repent and tell God I’m sorry, and then kill myself before temptation comes again, because I knew if it comes that I can’t withstand it—my thinking was, maybe I could get to heaven that way. I could never quite convince myself that that was the case. So I got to the point where, why would I kill myself and go to hell sooner? It didn’t really make any sense.

So at that point, I went everything I had again into money, making money, and enjoying life. I say enjoying life—trying to enjoy life. And I tried to block my mind out with work and goals, getting a lot of different business coaches, training. It took all my time up. And yeah, it worked. We started doing well. I started making money.

This would have been summer of 22. Our little girl was born in September of 21. With where I was at in life, I didn’t see any reason in staying Amish. As long as there’s no chance I’m getting to heaven anyway, I was done with Christianity. Up to that point, I did read my Bible sometimes. I did pray sometimes, not on a regular basis. But I still wanted to—I knew my dad had a connection with God, and I did want that. So I tried to get it sometimes, up to the point where I gave up. I completely quit all that. I didn’t read my Bible ever anymore. I didn’t pray. I was done with Christianity. In my mind, I was just done.

So I got my driver’s license in the summer of 22. I just got my license—we didn’t leave yet. I would drive here and there, work truck or company vehicles when it was convenient, but not that anybody would know. That lasted about a half a year. I would work late at the office, and I would take a vehicle home after dark, after everybody was sleeping, and I would go in early again in the morning, 3:30, 4 o’clock, before anybody woke up. I did that quite a bit. Until January of 23, then, we did leave. We left the Amish.

And yeah, that was—my wife at the time, first, when we started talking about it, she didn’t want to, but it didn’t take long till she was okay with it. And I didn’t really know what changed it. Later, after I got saved, I figured out that she was pretty desperate over that time and she was praying a lot. And she just felt at peace with that. That’s why. I clearly remember there was a point where she didn’t want to leave, and all of a sudden she was okay with it. And I didn’t really know what happened, but I was fine with that. I didn’t really figure out what happened there till later.

But anyway, we left in January, and I still wanted a church to go to, for my wife and my little girl. We were looking around for a church. We visited multiple churches. And the one church we visited, there was a couple there. We knew the couple—we didn’t really know them very well. But anyway, they started reaching out to us after that, after we were there. They would just randomly call us and see if they can come out and visit. They were there a few times, just talking to us about Scripture. And I would listen. And I knew he had something that I wanted, but I didn’t think it was possible. I remember thinking sometimes when he left that I really would love to have what he has, the peace that you could tell he had. And I just really longed for that. But in my mind, it’s not going to happen. I’m this person and I can’t change. And so I would just push it off again.

But they didn’t give up. They kept reaching out. It was a couple months’ time. And one weekend in March, they asked if they could come out on Sunday evening. And they came out to visit. And he went through the Old Testament and how that explains baptism. And he went into depth about the meaning of baptism and what it does. And he shared with me some things he struggled with before he got baptized, and how he had victory over some of that stuff through baptism. And he asked me at the time if I want to get baptized. And my first response was, no, I don’t want to. What’s the point? was my thinking. But then in the back of my mind, I was like, well, he had freedom from some stuff, he had victory over some stuff after he got baptized. Maybe this would help me. But I wasn’t willing to tell anyone. I wasn’t going to tell anybody what I was into. I just wanted the help.

And anyway, I agreed to get baptized the following weekend. And in my mind, I was like, if it helps, good. If not, I’m back where I was. So why not try it? I had a little bit of hope there that maybe it would do something. I was very doubtful that it would, but I hoped it would. So that was Sunday, ready to get baptized the following Sunday.

That week was probably one of the hardest weeks I had for a long time. I couldn’t sleep. Every time I would sleep, I would start dreaming. And by the end of the week, I was really, really frustrated. I was tired and I just wanted to sleep. It was about Thursday, I think. And at that point I started praying again. I didn’t know what else to do anymore. And I just told God—I just confessed everything to him that I was doing. He knew it already, obviously, but I just confessed everything. And I told him, I said, look, I want help. I don’t think it’s possible, but if there’s any chance that you can help me, or if you’re even real—I just prayed that if he’s real, and if there’s any hope for me, he’s going to have to fix it through baptism, because I’m not going to try.

And it didn’t feel good praying that, because growing up, you always try to be a better person and do the right thing. And it felt really wrong for me to talk to God that way. Just told him, look, I’m not going to try. You’re going to have to do this. If you’re real, you’re going to have to change me. So that was that week. Yeah, it was a really long week.

Sunday comes, and we went to church, had church, and went down to the lake. And we were down at the lake, and I had this intense battle inside of me. It felt like somebody was arm wrestling inside of me. At one point, I actually told my wife, I said, look, I’m not doing this. I can’t do this. I’m going to walk away. It was extremely intense. It was like part of me wanted to get baptized, and the other part—it was like, I’m going to get baptized, and then, no, I’m not, I can’t do this. So that was going back and forth. And at one point, I just sort of tried to shut my mind down. I’m like, I’m going to do this. I’m here now. And we’ll see what happens. So I got baptized.

And I don’t really know how to explain that afternoon. I felt a calm. So before this, I never liked to sit around. I never liked to just do nothing, because I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to sit around and think. I wanted to be doing something to keep my mind busy. And that afternoon, it didn’t bother me at all to sit around and just think. And I felt a calm and a peace that I never had felt before. After we got home, I was singing. And I never sang. And the songs were just coming out. Yeah, it was something I never felt before. And I was thinking that I didn’t really believe it, that it happened. I knew something felt different. But I was like, I don’t know. I’m not going to tell anybody. We’ll see what happens the next couple of weeks, to see if this stuff actually went away, before I tell someone. This is probably just a phase and I’m going right back to where I was.

That night, Sunday evening—wake up Monday morning, and my wife looks at me and she goes—well, I slept very, very good. I didn’t wake up all night. I slept better than I had for a long time. And she said she woke up in the middle of the night, I woke her up. She said I was singing. I was singing, "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus." She said I was acting like I was sleeping, but I was singing. And I didn’t remember that at all. And I think that was confirmation for her. I think God did that for her, because she wanted to believe that. At this time, I had tried so many times to change and it didn’t happen. She wanted to believe that this was real when I was getting baptized. But with the way I was living my life, and the way she knew I was, she was very doubtful that I was sincere. So that gave her confirmation. At that point, she knew something. So I always thank God for doing that for her.

Anyway, that was Monday morning, wake up. And I read my Bible before I went to work—something I never did. I wanted to. I would have rather sat there and read my Bible than went to work. But it was time to go to work, so you go to work. It was pretty weird, because I never read my Bible. And even before, when I had read my Bible, I didn’t want to, or it wasn’t fascinating. It was boring. And that was not the case this time. Anyway, I hopped in my truck to go to work. And the music I listened to every time—it was rap, whatever, songs that talked about making money and stuff like that, that’s very much what it was. And I turn the truck on, I start going to work. And my playlist automatically starts playing again. And as soon as it started playing—it was one of my favorite songs, had been one of my favorite songs at the time—I turned it off. I’m like, that stuff’s disgusting. And in the back of my mind, I’m like, wait a minute, that’s my favorite song. But it wasn’t anymore. Nothing I did—I just didn’t like it anymore. And I didn’t know why not. But I knew something changed.

At that point, I was like, okay, something’s definitely different. The way I felt, I wanted to read my Bible, this music wasn’t attractive at all anymore. I actually listened to gospel on the way to work that morning, which was also something that I didn’t do. Anyway, at that point, I knew something changed. And I knew God did something for me there. But I still wasn’t willing to tell anyone. I was like, I’m going to let it go a couple weeks and see if this lasts. Because I hadn’t gotten tempted again at all to do anything, really. And I was like, I’m going to wait until I get tempted to tell anyone, to see if I’m strong enough to withstand this stuff.

And so the next couple weeks, they were really good weeks. I’m a salesperson, I get around, I go get jobs. And I would drive around and I would just talk to God like he’s a person sitting next to me. And sometimes I got emotional, I had to pull over while I was on the road. It was just a very sweet time. I never experienced something like that before. I didn’t even know it was possible. And praying and reading my Bible, wanting to read my Bible—just something that I never experienced before. And it was about three weeks into that, I knew I hadn’t gotten tempted one time. Everything I was into just left. This was about three weeks after baptism. And I felt completely different. I had shared before—I went from knowing I’m heading to hell, to at this point, I knew I was saved. And to explain the difference of that, how that feels—I don’t know if I could ever find words to do that. The previous feeling of just complete hopelessness and trying to block out thoughts, to just peace and wanting to sit and just meditate and sit still and pray. It was amazing.

And so at that point, I was like, well, I’m going to tell people what Jesus did for me. And I started with my wife. I shared everything with her. It was pretty difficult for a little bit. But yeah, God has blessed me with an incredible life. And back to what Jesus did for me—I think one of the reasons God did what he did for me and took everything away, there were lots of people praying for me. I didn’t even know this at the time, until after I shared everything with my wife, after she knew I was saved. So right at the time when we left the Amish, December and January of that year—so I got baptized in April. We left in January. This happened in April, about right a year ago now.

Anyway, she had a lot of days, when I was at work, that she would just go into the bedroom and she would spend a long time in there just praying for me. And never once do I remember that she came to me and told me I need to change, I’m going down the wrong path. She supported me where I was at, did what she could for me. I knew she didn’t support the things I was doing, but she didn’t tell me to my face. She spent a lot of time praying for me, and I didn’t notice at the time.

So yeah, I told my wife at that point, and went and told my older brother. My older brother had also tried to talk to me a lot of times about the path I was going down with money. I didn’t listen to him at all. I didn’t care. I knew the path I was going down. I didn’t care. But I went and shared it with him. And from there, I went and shared it with the couple that had been reaching out to us. And then we went—my dad lives in Michigan—took a trip to Michigan. And I just had a lot of things to make right with dad from teenage years. A lot of times I’d lied to him, different things. And I went to make it right. That was a very, very good visit.

Dad had, as well—talking about people praying—the couple, yeah. A year or two years before that, dad would leave me messages sometimes. Just, hey, I’m praying for you. And that’s pretty much it. He didn’t tell me I’m wrong either. He would just leave voicemails that he’s praying for me. And I know that meant a lot. So I went out to Michigan and made that right, made things right with dad. And there again, this was now May, this was a month later. And it went about three, four months where I had no temptation or anything that I had been into. It was gone. And I was amazed. And just continued that relationship with God.

Then, so in June, end of June, July, me and my wife, we went on a trip out west. And the week before we went out west was really busy. I was trying to catch up on work, do some work ahead a little bit, so we can go on the trip. And—well, I’ll back up a little bit. After I got saved, the route I had been taking with money, I reacted to that completely. And I didn’t even want to work anymore. I was like, what’s the point? I want to go tell people what Jesus did for me. I want to do something for him. What’s the point of working? It’s just to make money. That’s sort of the attitude I had for a while. Then I changed my attitude a little bit towards that. I had really neglected my responsibilities at work for a while. And I soon realized that this isn’t the right path either. I still need to take care of my responsibilities. But I didn’t care at that point about it enough to—yeah, my brother got a little frustrated with me, the one I was in business with, because I went from doing nothing but working, to not really caring about work. And I did, like I said, change, and tried to still take care of my responsibilities. And I still feel like, be responsible and take care of what you’re given.

But anyway, back to the week before we headed for our trip. I worked ahead a little bit, and I was pretty busy. And I neglected some of my time in the morning, my devotional time and praying time, that week. And towards the end of the week, it was the first time that I was driving and I started getting thoughts again. And it scared me. I started getting thoughts about pornography again. And it really scared me because I didn’t want to go back there. All these feelings of how I felt before came back with that. And I was like, no, no, I’m not going back there. And I struggled with that for a few days, with those thoughts. And at one point, I just stopped what I was doing. And I just prayed. And I told God, I said, I don’t know what you’re trying to do right now, but I thought this was over. What did I do wrong? Or what’s going on? A thought popped in my head that, well, if you want me to take it away for you, you have to spend time with me.

So that was a very good reminder to not neglect my devotional time and my prayer time. And as long as I did that—as long as I kept that relationship with Jesus vibrant and spent time with him—those temptations were not there. I’ve seen it a few different times, when life started getting busy and I just wouldn’t spend the time like I should, the temptations would start to come back. And I could always trace it back, when the temptations came, to maybe a week before or a couple of days before, where I was busy and I had neglected my devotional time.

So, yeah, fast forward a little bit to what’s going on now. This was just this past year. We’re in Pennsylvania right now. I don’t know if you guys know that, but we’re planning on moving to South Dakota. I’m not sure when yet. And that all happened—so back up a little bit again to what I was saying about responsibility to the work. So we got back from our last trip, and one of the biggest struggles I had the last couple of months was, I wanted to take care of my responsibilities at work, but I didn’t want to put my heart back into work and money like I had before. And it was a struggle for me, because once I do something, I want to do it right. And I would go to work and I’m like, okay, I’m going to take care of my responsibilities now. And I would sort of put my heart back into work, and it didn’t take long—I would feel myself going down that path again, of money and just being, just working. And I would react to that, and I would come back. I’m like, I’m not going down there again. And it was just a cycle of going around in circles, of not caring about my work, to realizing I should probably take care of my responsibilities. And then as soon as I started to take care of my responsibilities and putting my heart back into that, I would just get drawn down the wrong—feel myself getting drawn down that path again.

So I was really praying about that the last couple of months, if I’m supposed to get a new job, completely quit what I was doing, whatever. I didn’t really know. I just wanted something that I’m not just a cycle of reacting. In January, we went to a two-week Bible school in Hopewood. And we were there—it was two weeks. And the second Thursday, Merle Weaver had a topic on the unreached people groups in the world. And in the end, he played this short video about that. And I was really touched by this. And at that time, I just said a prayer. And I just told God that, with everything I was dealing with as far as the work and that cycle—I said, look, there’s a place you want us to go. I said, please just show us where you want us and we’ll go. Not really thinking about what I was praying. I was just praying.

And yeah, so that was Thursday afternoon. Thursday evening—so at the Bible school, we usually went till 7:30 and then we had some gym time. I was up in the gym playing volleyball. And Thaddeus, one of the teachers there at the Bible school—he was from South Dakota—he just comes up to me and he starts telling me what he’s doing in South Dakota, and some needs he had. He said he’s been praying for someone. He said somebody preferably with business experience and sales experience. He’s out beside the Indian reservation out in South Dakota, and he’s starting a boys’ program for these boys. And he started a window and door company, and the window and door company is taking up too much of his time, and he wants to spend more time with the boys’ program and doing stuff like that. So he’s been praying for somebody to come help him. And everything he said pretty much matched me. And while he was talking to me, I got all weak in my legs and I got real hot in my chest. And I couldn’t figure out what was going on. I was like, this is weird. I didn’t tell him how I felt. I hadn’t known him before that. He didn’t know me. He just came up to me and started talking to me about these things.

And anyway, we were sleeping a couple miles from there. My wife had already went back. So we headed back, and that evening, I was praying about this and the way I felt, and I wasn’t sure what to do with it. And I just told God that, look, I said, if you’re trying to tell me to move out there—remember the prayer I had prayed earlier about God showing us where he wants us, and we’ll go. And I just said, if you want us to move out there, I’m going to let you make my wife feel the same way. And if she feels the same way, I’ll know that it’s you trying to tell us to move. That seemed to be the easy way out, because I didn’t really know what to do with it. So I just figured, well, I’ll just do that. And if he makes my wife feel the same way, then I’ll know.

Yeah. I told my wife the conversation I had with Thaddeus. I didn’t go into detail about how it made me feel or anything like that. I just told her the conversation that I had, what’s going on in South Dakota. And the next afternoon, we were talking about it again a little bit, and soon my wife just looks at me and she says, for some reason, since I said something about South Dakota, she can’t forget about it, and just feels like God’s telling her that we’re supposed to move out there. That was a big shock to me, because I didn’t expect that at all. So that’s where we’re at right now. Yeah, we’re planning on moving sometime probably this summer. But I think that’s about all I had to share.

Praise the Lord, brother. Worthy is the Lamb. Amen. Worthy is the Lamb. Praise the Lord Jesus. Well, yeah, thank you so much for sharing that testimony this morning. That’s a powerful testimony of God’s redemptive grace. I would like to open it up for a few minutes for feedback from our audience. If there’s anyone on here, you might be able to unmute yourself and maybe ask a question if you have something on your heart, or maybe some encouragement for Brother Ervin.

Well, good morning, Brother Ervin. That was a very encouraging testimony. I’m really, really blessed—going from darkness to light. That’s amazing. Now, a question for you. Do you have any advice for anyone out there, maybe in our audience or in the future that will listen to this message, if they find themselves ensnared in sin, pornography, and don’t know what to do to get free? Do you have any advice for anyone like that?

Well, the way I found it, the biggest thing for me was keeping my relationship with God, with Jesus, vibrant and open, and not letting anything get in between that. And the second thing is, find somebody that you can talk to and be accountable with, and just share your heart with, once a week or once a month or whatever. Accountability, and Jesus definitely first, and then find somebody you can talk to that you trust and that you don’t mind sharing your heart with. Yeah, thank you for that. Sure.

Is there anyone else with a question? Can you hear me? Yes. Oh, yeah. Thanks for sharing, Ervin. That was—I’m always confounded and amazed how God works in mysterious ways. Everybody has a story and a testimony that seems to ring true in many ways, yet so different. So it always blesses me. One of the questions I would have—while you were young and dating your wife, did she know your inner battle at that time? Did she know after you were married, or did you let her in on it? No, I didn’t share with anybody. She knew something was going on for sure after we were married. But she didn’t know what it was. Yeah, well, that’s a treasure to have a wife that prays for you. I can hear you loud and clear there. Amen. Amen. Thanks for sharing. That was good. Sure.

Brother, did you say that a week or two after your baptism was the first that you shared with your wife about your porn addiction? About three weeks after, yes. That was the first she knew you had a porn addiction? Yeah.

Brother Ervin, I want to say I was really blessed and encouraged by your testimony. My mind went to the verse in Romans 1:16. I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation. When you realize you can’t do it—I can’t live it, and you’re going to have to do it—just that surrender, recognition of God’s righteousness, the righteousness of Christ, and your own undoneness. That was the thief on the cross. And that’s the gospel. That’s where we have to come to, to realize that the only power there is for me to get delivered and to get free and get saved, is in God. And that was your turning point. Yeah. Yeah. It’s just a blessing to hear. Once I gave up and quit trying to do it myself—yeah, give up, and God can work. Amen. Yeah. I want to thank you for your courage to share that. I believe it’ll be a blessing to many, and God will use it to encourage others as well, as he has this morning already. Thank you. I hope he does.

I think this morning we want to give praise to the one who has called us out of darkness into his light. I want to put this out there for anyone—that God is calling people to repentance, and the way to come to him is through his Son, Jesus, whom he has sent to be a light to the world. I don’t really know if I can express how this all makes me feel. I just remember, in the year or so before Ervin got saved, Ervin’s brother Michael would be carrying his burden about Ervin sometimes, and we would pray for him. There was a couple from Honeybrook that baptized Ervin. I remember praying with him one time for Ervin, and for some reason he wasn’t discouraged about how awful this Ervin guy was. He was really excited about the potential of what God could do with Ervin. And yeah, I remember a few key moments where, looking back, I can just see that things were changing. And God was answering prayers.

I think that was probably three or four months before Ervin’s baptism—maybe it was closer to six months. Ben and Mim Blank and our family had gathered at Ervin’s brother Michael’s on a Sunday morning. And I remember how we prayed for Ervin that day, for some reason. I remember that very clearly. And I think God started working things out in his life, maybe at that point. And it really shook my expectations on how a person is supposed to get saved. It made me realize that you can’t put God in a box. I for sure thought that a person would have to confess everything before he gets baptized. I was becoming aware that baptism can be a very significant thing in a person’s life. I guess I knew that it’s more than just a symbol. But the whole thing caught me totally off guard. I knew Ervin wasn’t living for Jesus, but I had no idea of his pornography addiction, and neither did anybody else, until afterwards. And to hear that testimony made me feel unbelievably amazed and betrayed at the same time. But just seeing Ervin walk that out ever since—you know, he’s not making this up. I can tell you, he didn’t tell you all. We are so amazed to see what God is doing. Ervin’s wife, Sadie, has been so brave. I am so awed at what God is doing. I count it an incredible blessing just to be able to witness this.

Yeah, thank you for sharing that testimony, Samuel, and that confirmation. I would echo that. And I think with that, we will wrap things up this morning. Thank you, everyone, for your participation. We trust that this testimony can be an encouragement and a blessing to many. Ervin, would you be willing to close out our time with a word of prayer? Sure.

Good morning, Heavenly Father. Thank you so much this morning for your love and your mercy. Father, I just ask that you would bless anyone listening to this right now, Lord. Just bless them. Thank you for another day that you have given us, another day to serve you, to further your kingdom. Father, I just want to thank you for your Son, Jesus, that you gave, that died on the cross, that we can have victory over sin, and that sin has no—can’t hold us, Father. All we need to do is believe in you, and you can save us. Father, I just pray that anyone listening to this, that if they’re struggling with sin, Lord, I just pray that you would touch them, give yourself to them, that they can have victory over that, victory over the devil. Father, I pray for protection from the devil today, as we go about our day. We just pray that you would fill us all with your Spirit and help us to serve you by serving others in your kingdom. Father, we love you and we praise you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen. Amen.