I Grew Up Old Order Mennonite — Jerry Martin

Jerry Martin shares the first part of his testimony, describing his childhood and youth in an Old Order Mennonite community, his years of double life and sin, and the way God slowly drew him toward repentance. He speaks honestly about work, partying, shame, marriage, pornography, confession, his wife’s burden for his soul, and the moment when he first honestly admitted that he did not know the way. The testimony shows God’s patience in using conviction, Scripture, family, confession, and the prayers of his wife to bring Jerry from darkness toward a living walk with Christ.

Key Points: – Jerry grew up horse-and-buggy Old Order Mennonite, learning hard work early but also developing self-sufficiency and pride. – As a youth he lived a double life, attending church while drinking, using tobacco, and hiding sin. – Marriage and church membership gave him outward stability, but did not by themselves bring inward freedom or a living knowledge of Christ. – Shame, pornography, hidden sin, and lack of real spiritual fellowship kept him closed off from God and others. – His wife’s own spiritual awakening and burden for him became a major instrument God used to awaken him. – Jerry’s first honest cry that he did not know the way led to surrender, a turning from idols, and the Scriptures opening to him. – The testimony ends with encouragement that God faithfully leads seekers, though the road of discipleship is not easy.

Scripture References: – Luke 7:47 – Matthew 24:13 – The parable of the sower

Guide me, oh, the great Jehovah, pilgrim through this barren land. Welcome to Hope For Wondering Amish. We’re pleased to have Brother Jerry Martin on this morning from Alaska. Brother Jerry grew up in Kenyan, New York, Finger Lakes area, in the Old Order Mennonite community. The Lord sought him out and drew him to himself and the journey that that has been. I look forward to hearing about it. I always love to hear testimonies of God’s faithfulness, God’s working in people’s lives. And this morning we get to hear that again. Again, welcome everybody. Brother Jerry lives in Alaska now and it’s very early for him. He told me it’s like four hours earlier than it is here. So thank you, Jerry, for coming on early. And Jerry also has a wife and 10 children there. So we’re going to hear more about that in a bit. I’d like to just open up with a word of prayer. And then, Jerry, the time is yours after the prayer. Heavenly Father, thank you for this opportunity this morning to hear of your work in Brother Jerry’s life. I pray that you would give him clarity and openness to share with us. May it be edifying. And encourage all the listeners to look to you and seek your face and obey your voice and do your commandments and walk with you in your kingdom faithfully unto the end of life. You’ve said those that endure to the end shall be saved. We desire to have that and to be saved eternally and in your presence. Use this this morning in that way in our lives. In Jesus’ name, amen. All right, Brother Jerry, time’s yours. Okay, well, thank you, Brother. I’ll start sharing a little with about my early years as a young boy. But I’d like to start with one verse that has always, always encouraged me. In Luke, chapter 7, verse 47. It’s about the woman that was washing Jesus’ feet, but I love it anyway. Her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little. And I’ve come to a place where I’ve found God to have forgiven me much. And so it has been a real treasure for me to be able to love him back a lot. So I grew up as a horse and buggy Mennonite. I’m a real treasure even to this day. And I appreciate not a lot I remember before five or six years old, but I did the normal thing, go to school, you know, do family things at home. And probably the most formative things of my youth, young life was I got a job when I was like six years old or seven. Six. Yeah, I think it was six. I’d bike up every evening to my uncle’s farm and help feed the cows. I’d pitch down some corn silage and feed the cows and bike home and bring along some fresh milk many times during the summer when I was out of school. So that was the beginning of my life, as remembering some of my early childhood memories. That same uncle, I think, had me drive a tractor when I was six also. I couldn’t reach the pedals, but it really made an impression on me. I remember that to this day, just holding the steering wheel and driving the tractor made me feel so big. They’re fascinated boys, and that, I think, started my love for tractors, and I always loved farm tractors. I loved driving them. So through the years, I don’t remember. We always went to church on Sunday, and I heard about God, and I believed in God because I was taught that. The first thing I went through as a child was going to school. I never really liked school. School was a scary place, especially in the first younger grades. If I think back, probably the worst part about it was they didn’t seem… The first school I went to was very hard on snowball fights, and it was very lopsided. Young children got the short end of the stick, it seemed. It was a very harsh place to… For an outsider, which we were miles away from that school. We actually rode a school bus there. And the other thing that I think was impressionable, that was not very good, was I was taught the facts of life. Where I came from and how I was formed in my mother’s womb and stuff like that from school-age children, which you can imagine was the healthiest way to learn how… life works. Other than that, we moved to another school that was much better at third grade or something. And somewhere along maybe nine or ten years old, I forget, I started working for summers. So I was born the oldest boy out of a family of 13 children. I had two sisters older than me. And during the summer, my dad had a day job. We didn’t have a farm. I think we, you know, I’d have uncles asking for help on farms close by. And I think my parents decided it was good to send some of us children to help on farms and stuff. Just to learn how to work, I think. And it’s just good to build character to learn how to work. But I didn’t enjoy that. Much, I think. Looking back, I’d get on my bicycle Monday mornings and bike to my uncle’s farm and stay there for the week. And would bike home on a Saturday night. That was my summertime life for several years. And then when school started, I’d be home again for the year, for the winter. And looking back, I think that’s probably where I get some of my self-sufficiency. It’s always been a weakness of mine. I think I ended up being tough and self-sufficient and figure things out myself. That seemed to have formed that in my mind as a young lad. I remember distinctly. I think you think about the future a lot more than you realize as a child. I remember working for that one uncle, and he was a very kind man, it seemed. And hardly anything ruffled his feathers. And I remember thinking, if I ever have a family, that would be what I would consider a very godly, upright example of a father and a man. At one point, something had stressed him out, and he also got to the end of his rope and lost his temper. I think I was actually disappointed. That stood out to me. I was very disappointed that he actually lost it. But I guess he was also human, and I don’t know how he is to this day. I think he’s, whether he knows God or not, I don’t know. I can’t judge that, I guess. But as I… grew older, I think. Maybe my younger brothers helped someone farm. Eventually, by the age of 15, I think I started running a sawmill for about a year. And then I went on to a construction company for my uncle for a year or two. And after I was out of school, that was… And then from there, I started going with the youth. Yeah. Almost simultaneously, I’ve got a job offer for building tower silos, concrete silos on farms. And ironically, that’s where I first met Elam Peachey. We were both young and we didn’t recognize each other at that time, but we traced our lives back. And that’s where I actually first met Elam. We had built his diet of silo. I was a teenager. So I was, I did that for seven years before I was married. And then I started running around the youth here in the Mennonite culture at around 17, you start going with the youth group. And it didn’t take me long to get in with the wrong crowd. I guess my heart was dark and wanted that, sadly. Just primarily drinking alcohol, tobacco. I don’t know why, I guess, maybe trying to fit in. I think about that a lot. Why would you go that route? Because at that time I thought, you know, I was raised knowing there’s a God. And so my thought was, well, this is sin. I should not be doing, should not be in sin. But I guess I love darkness rather than light. Or, yeah, because my deeds were evil. So I stayed in that cycle of life for, I don’t know, seven years or so. Unfortunately, I remember, you know, thinking back in those days and I don’t think… I think… Darkness does not stay still. It’s alive. It’s never satisfied. And I think walking in darkness and living a double life, going to church and then partying has a way of blinding your eyes and numbing your brain. I know at a point in my life, I even got to thinking, I wonder if there is a God because there’s… I was a construction worker and… Aside from the people I knew, a lot of people just did not believe in God. And I… It’s a very narrow-minded thought, but I thought… Even in my partying years, I thought, you know, this is not me. I really don’t want this. I want to be somebody else. But I didn’t know how. And I remember thinking one time, I don’t know if there really is a God. I was afraid of the opposite thought. If there is not a… If there is a God and I am… I stay on the path I am, I’ll go to hell, according to the scripture. And I was afraid of that. So my thought process at one point was, well, if there is a God and I continue on the journey I am, I’ll end up in hell. So I think I better play it safe and… clean up my life just in case there’s a God and I find out at the last day that there is a God and I end up in hell. So I thought, at the very least, I should at least clean up my life. But thankfully, I ended up thinking a little stronger than that with time. It’s a little sad because maybe I was the only one going through those thoughts, but I have to think a lot about youth, how there’s a lot going on, a lot of change. As you grow up. And I always wondered how many more people have those questions and would never dare ask them. But anyway, I continued on that road in sin and my parents knew it, found it out. And they tried to steer me right. My dad, I think I remember him distinctly a time or two, talking to me, coming up to my bedroom. I remember never, you know, I always accepted it. Like, yeah, I want to do what’s right. But I turned around and went out again into sin. And I always respected my dad for giving me space. He never was very hard on me about those things. I think he understood the path I was on because he had a tough life himself, I think, as a youth, made a lot of bad choices. But I kept on that path. And I think at some point they must have decided that I’m the oldest and I’m not going to be a good example to my youth, my younger siblings. And I got a phone call from my sister wondering if I want to come and live with them. And that was suited me very well because the path I was on, I didn’t want anybody telling me what to do. And living at home, living in sin was just hard. You just had to hide everything. I had a lot of things I shouldn’t have had. It worked. I thought it would be to my benefit because then I could do as I please. And, you know, I had a job that pretty much kept me away from home anyway. Usually the truck was sitting in my driveway by six o’clock in the morning. And it was many a day we’d get home at seven or nine or 10 o’clock or whatever, midnight or stay overnight and long distance. That suited my wild heart at that time. I just seemed like at that time it felt better to just continue working and working and working. It formed a drivenness in me. I’d party and come home feeling empty and wishing I was somebody different. And the way to forget it was to work hard. And I think that pleased my boss. I think I sought confirmation from him. It was a good company to work for. And he was a kind man. And yeah, it was just a good job, but it didn’t help me much as far as coming closer to Christ. So I wrestled every year. In the Mennonite culture, there’s a preparatory service and baptism comes around every year. And as a youth, the general rule of thumb was around 16 to 18 years of age, you’d get baptized in the Mennonite church. Because I knew I wanted to, but inside I wanted to, but I knew the life I’m leading is no good. I shouldn’t because unless I’m ready to give that life up, I’m just going to go through the motions. Somehow I knew that I’m not ready. So I kept pushing it off. I think I was maybe 20 years of age. And also in that time slot, I always kept thinking of a girlfriend and marriage, but I don’t know. I was afraid of the opposite gender. I think it was hard for me to cross boundaries. I don’t know why. I just wasn’t that girls. I was afraid of girls, I think, but I always wanted, I always thought, you know, I want to turn my life around. I really should get a girlfriend and married. Maybe my life would change and go for the better. So at some point I’d actually met my wife for the first time at a wedding when she was it was actually at my sister’s wedding. She was young, like I think maybe 14. It’s the first time I saw her. And I didn’t, at that time, I didn’t know she would be my wife, but years down the road, I kept, there was, I mean, obviously lots of girls and hanging around with a lot of different people and girls, but for some reason, God, by his grace and mercy, I think steered me, even though I didn’t know him, I think he steered me to the, to the life of my future and my life, my wife, Marion. At some point, I started noticing her and ask her out at one point and started hanging around with her. And at that point, I, I realized it was sort of an unwritten thing. If you want to date, you should, you should be a member of the church. So I, when I started reading, I have an interest in girls. I decided to join the church that year, which I think I was like 21, maybe, or 20, 21. And that, so I had a new, new goal in life. I had a girlfriend, which turned everything around for me. I thought I, it was really good for me. I didn’t care about partying anymore. It was more about the future then. So I got baptized in the Mennonite church, but unfortunately, sins continued. I, I actually, even after baptism, I ended up in some drinking parties once in a while, even though I had a girlfriend, which is a little sad. I didn’t really get out. It was, had a, I had friends that, you know, and I convinced myself, oh, it’s not bad. I’m just drinking a little. And then every time I’d feel sorry about it, but I didn’t know how to, it seemed like I didn’t know how, who God was and how to confess my sins and, and ask him to help me. I just never knew how to do that for some reason. I guess I was afraid of life, but I didn’t know who I really was, but we started dating and my life, uh, turned around and, and, and I had something to live for. And I, I think honestly, I had, uh, looking back from those years, I had made a lot of mistakes, uh, didn’t walk in what I should have walked even then. Uh, took me a while to finally, uh, decide it’s time to get married. And we decided on a date, a day that we wanted to get married even. And then, you know, just a step back. Uh, I was a pretty young lad when I was, uh, introduced to pornography and that had a grip on me all my life. Pretty much. I was able to subdue it for the most part, but when opportunities arose, it would have more power. So that was always something that, uh, never made you feel good. So you always tried to avoid it. But whenever, you know, we didn’t have a computer or anything, so that wasn’t a problem. It’s just when you’re out in the public and, you know, every, every, uh, skimpily dressed woman would draw you. And if, you know, I, I worked on some sites where there was, uh, you know, pornography pasted up in walls or you found something alongside the road or, or whatever. It was, it always had a, when the, uh, uh, opportunity knocked, I didn’t have the power to say no. So that was, uh, something I think that contributed to my shame and, and hiddenness and not wanting to walk in the light. It’s, it’s a very shameful thing to, I think when you get involved with that, it’s, it brings a lot of shame with it. Uh, I think maybe that was some of my reason I didn’t want to be known for who I really am and the sins I wrestled with, but I got married eventually. Uh, at the age of, I think, let me think, 24, I believe. I was a little older. I thought my life would, is right on the right track. Now I’m a member of church. Married. Have a future and a plan. Worked for my brother at that time on construction. Uh, but it’s, I think I had become a loner in my heart with, you know, not walking in the light. You kind of shut yourself in. And so I was, I was happy going to work and coming home and my beautiful young wife has a, had a meal ready and eating the meal. And, and what else do you do? Like, if you’re not walking in the light, you don’t, you talk menial things. That was kind of the sad part about our, even our relationship and, and, uh, running around and dating. It was always just on surface things. We never, we never prayed together. We never shared our desires to follow the Lord. We just always assume that we’re going to join the church and that’s it. That’s how, that’s how following the Lord consists of joining the church and becoming an upright and good standing member of the church. So, uh, after we got married, I, it was only a couple of days later. I, I had my first, uh, rude awakening, you would say. I get home one evening. So, the cycle of life for me for the first week was, yeah, get home from work. And then, you know, we were renting a place at the time, waiting until we could buy our place that was going to be available within a couple of months. And there was a nice shop on the place and, you know, you’re buying all these things. You have a lawnmower, you’re getting things. And so you get home from work now, now, so it was evenings, yeah, after dinner, there was not much to do until bedtime. So we, I went out to the shop and worked some more. And at that time of life, it was, work was my safe place, if you will. But I remember my wife getting quiet and not saying anything. And I didn’t know what was going on. Either she told me later or I figured it out or something, which is really sad and true. But me coming home from work and then heading out to the shop and then going to bed and getting up in the morning caused her to become quite lonely. For companionship when I’m just involved in my own life and not, yeah, I’m home for a small span of maybe an hour or so for dinner and then go out to the shop and then come in at nine o’clock or 10 o’clock and go to bed. And I think she started living quite a shocking, lonely life. And I don’t know how we resolve that. Maybe the first child got, I don’t know if I was good at, ever good at addressing that. We wrestled a lot with, you know, just a young married couple learning to live together is, can be a challenge, but our first child came along after we moved to our, to the first property. I actually purchased a house and a barn on 10 acres. Very proud of my accomplishments. I had managed to save up enough money to put a down payment on the place. My life was going good, I thought. I thought, this is it. I’m living the life. There’s not much more to live, but, you know, this is what I’ve, this is it. Going to church. But I started getting uneasy and unsatisfied with my job, getting up in the morning and being gone all day. So I started looking for something to do at home. I was actually thinking about purchasing a farm. Because my wife was tired of being home alone, I think. She was instrumental in helping me, wanting a change in my life. But eventually I started my own business. And that was good and bad in some respects. Good that I was home because I started my woodworking shop. And our first child came along somewhere. I don’t remember. I think our first child came along while I still had a day job. And that was a whole new walk of life. I love my children. I love my… I’d get home in the evenings and it was a joy to meet my baby child. But my wife and me are opposites. I could make life work. I could lose my life in things. I could just continue living the way life was without any issues. It seemed like I had blocked the spirit or something. I was just okay with life. Life, you just do the best you could. You went to church. Believed in God. At that time, I read a lot about… I think… Excuse me. I read a lot about creation and evolution. I got a subscription. I got a subscription in the mail that had… I forget what the name of it was, but it always had the newest news on creation and evolution debate. And I think that was instrumental in solidifying my belief that there is a God. And it was… I don’t know why, but it was very comforting to know that there actually is a God and the world makes sense. And the world is not a billion years old. It’s what it is and what the Bible says is true. So I think even at that time, I started getting my grounding. Even through creation evolution debate, even though I don’t spend a lot of time on that anymore, it was instrumental in helping me around my beliefs. Even though when I was married, I had already decided that going to a Mennonite church was my lot in life because I looked around and I compared myself amongst other people and it didn’t look like they were really prospering, even evangelicals or mourning Mennonites. I’d compare them. Where will your children end up after that? And I finally just settled in and realized that, you know, this is my church. I’m fine. But thankfully, God wasn’t done with us and my wife was very instrumental in bringing us to God. I always wondered where we would be without her. I think that’s why God brought us together in the first place. He could see our future. As a young lad, thankfully, I could tell there was lots of girls that I ran around with. But for some reason, my intuition or my inner persons knew there were some girls just not for me. I don’t know if that was God. I think it was. I like to believe it was helping steer me to the right person because my wife was a very easy person to get along with in many respects. I think she could sense when things were wrong and not working right way sooner than I could. And she started. Soon after first child, I believe, I don’t remember when it first started, she started questioning her life and whether she was right with God. We went through this whole wrestle with. She thought she had blasphemed the Holy Spirit. And I actually went to the lengths of calling the leaders in the church to ask, what does that really mean? I talked to my dad. My wife thinks she’s blasphemed the Holy Spirit. And their explanation for that was settled that a little bit. But there was a lot of wrestlings internally. One of them was, I’ll just step back. I forgot. Just in our youth, we were not faithful to each other. I did not protect my wife. Our courtship did not remain pure. And that created a lot of shame and feeling of guilt. And we never really confessed it to the church. And that was one night I remember her asking me if that really doesn’t bother me. And I knew something went through my heart. I said, I knew it does. But I was way better at blocking it than her. And she really wrestled with if she’s forgiven or if she’s going to heaven. And I always just try to console her by, you know, it’s in Jesus Christ and believing him and him dying for us. I had the right words. And it would help her. I think it would comfort her just to talk about it. I was talking about her inner wrestles comforted her, I believe. I didn’t have the… I had the right words, but I was a terrible comforter. And we got to a point where I decided, you know what? If this thing is bothering you and it will help matters, we’ll go visit the bishop and confess our prior sins, all of them. Just be real with him. Because people would do that and then they’d put you off church. It was a very shameful thing to walk through. I did not want to be known for who I really was. But I finally got to a point where I was ready. The inward pain was greater than the outward pain. And I was ready. We agreed together. We made an appointment with the bishop and went and talked to him about it. He decided he’d put us off the church. And there was a span of time before the… I think maybe six months or so. And then they mentioned your name and you’re back in relationship with the church again. Something like that. Which has always been a little bit of a thing to ponder for me. Because it seems like when I read the scriptures now, Christ is very near to a sinner. He doesn’t put you outside. He’s there with his arms open. So I think that’s just the way they did it. And it helped my wife and me. It really did. I think God was using that to mold us even then. It really felt freeing too. And at that time, even at that time, I went, I think it was before I was born again. I actually, in my youth, in our parties, some people would get really rowdy and ruin things. That was never my heart. I didn’t like ruining things. I never got a real charge out of that. For some reason, it just made no sense to me. I wasn’t much involved, but I did at one point get involved some with one family. It ruined some of this stuff. I won’t get into details, but at that time, I called him and asked him, told him what I did. That was when I was a youth, but I was probably married in a number of years. I called him and I said I was along with some of this stuff that went on down that one weekend. I would be very willing to pay the damages and make it right. I just want to be free from this. He was very gracious and he just absolutely forgave me and said, no worries. I’m very happy that you called me. I don’t know if that was, I think that was before I was born again. My wife was just going through a lot and she was helping me along. I was starting to walk in the light a little, but that was, I don’t remember much before that. It just was freeing to walk through some of those things, even though I didn’t know Christ. His ways still work, even if you don’t know him personally. But my wife had one thing that she did not confide with me. And I don’t want to go into her testimony, but it had to do with unforgiveness. When you’re not able to forgive someone from your heart, the Bible says it will bind you. Unforgiveness with specifically one person in her life, and she didn’t know what to do with it. And I couldn’t help her. My thought was just forgive him and move on. But I maybe did better at just acting like I forgave people. I don’t know. But we got invited to a Bondage to Freedom seminar, which looking back, I’m not sure what to think of it. I think God can use almost anything. Express Ministries. And it’s the teachings are more evangelical. God used it nonetheless. And it was several evenings. And my wife and me went the first evening. We actually took our children to my parents to babysit. And the first evening was on unforgiveness. And I remember looking at my little booklet, and you’re supposed to write in the back, you can’t forgive so we can pray for you. And looking back, I don’t know that I, I guess I was probably not lying. I don’t remember that I couldn’t forgive someone. I decided this is not for me. I forget. You just forgive people. Move on was my way of thinking. So the next night, my wife wanted to go again. I think it spoke to her heart. And a friend of mine had asked to help build a pole barn. I decided I’m going to go help my friend. He’s asking for help. And that’s good stuff. You can go. I told my wife, you can go. It’s fine. I’ll just help my friend. And yeah, have a good evening. And she went and God met her there that evening. It was the first time. I think they had an altar call, which I never know what to do with. But I believe God can use it. He definitely did that time. There was a lot of Old Order Mennonites there. I shouldn’t say a lot. There was several. Morning Mennonites. There was various people. And this one older lady, she confessed her sins there of unforgiveness. She had wrote it down. And an older lady that was from our Mennonite church prayed for her audibly for the first time. It was the first time anybody ever audibly prayed for my wife or me for them. I never had anybody. And she received forgiveness. And her testimony would be that she felt Jesus washing. There was a washing that happened through her entire body. There was it. She felt a washing and a lightness and a great light springing up inside her. And she came home that night. I don’t remember. I noticed something was different immediately. I knew something changed in her. And I think she went back maybe the next night. I don’t remember. Either way, I didn’t go ever again since that first night. It was several nights. And she, after that, something fundamentally changed in her. She started reading her Bible and she’d have questions. And asked me questions and I tried my best to answer them. And at the same time, some of my, sorry, some of my brothers had been leaving the church, having questions about their own life. And they started leaving. We’d get together sometimes and my wife always thought I was the one right with God and she wasn’t. And God showed her one day that I was actually not right with God. She was able to see my brothers converse about God and I had this blank look. And her testimony would be that God gave her a vision of who I really was and showed her. That I was lost and it broke her. Her testimony would be that God gave her a burden that she never felt before or after. She would lay awake and cry and pray all night. She never told me how many times or how long that lasted. But I don’t know. I must have done something because I started really questioning my life. I remember standing in the shop one day. I remember exactly where I was standing. And I think I asked God the first honest observation I had of my own life. I was standing there. I said to myself or to God. I was to God. I said, I don’t really believe. I’m living for you. I don’t know the way. And it’s a little ironic. Later, I realized that God is, Jesus said, I am the way. And it was a little ironic. The wording I used there, I don’t know the way, meaning I don’t know you. And God was very faithful. I don’t my life. Way back, I said I had formed a love for tractors. I drove a lot of them as a young age and a young child. And I I started going to tractor pulls at a young age and I love tractors and I get every I subscribe to some magazines about pulling magazines and instead of race cars. And NASCAR and all that I had had my own love. It was tractors and tractor pulls who won and who’s who’s leading in points and all that. And whenever one of those showed up in the mailbox, everything else would stop and I’d have to read who’s ahead of who and who’s winning and who’s doing what. And my wife always hated them because she could see that everything stopped. And whenever there was a local tractor pull, I had to go and see it. Everything stopped. I went no matter what. Sitting there in front of that lumber pile with that question. I don’t know the way it came. He gave that to me. God gave that to me. Put that away. Quit getting those magazines. Put it away. And I said, oh, is that it? I can do that. I’ll do that. I’ve committed to do that. And I did. And somewhere along that line, my eyes opened. And the scriptures just opened like an open book for me. I started reading the scriptures. My wife can testify that I… Every morning I’d be reading my scripture when she’d walk down the steps to join me in the morning. And I’d be excited about the scriptures. Now we could both be excited. And I don’t know. I feel like, Elam, am I really getting too far along in time? Should I… This is getting away from me. How much more you plan on sharing. I could try to wind it down real quick. I guess that’s your call if you need more time. I’ll go a little longer. Yeah, I’ll go a little longer. Anyway, so God opened my eyes. And it wasn’t all good because then you could see everything. And I saw all the issues with the church I was with. And I saw… But it was a good time because the Bible was actually… Alive. And I could not put it down. I’d listen to Fountain of Life messages from Effort of Christian Fellowship, I believe it was, or somewhere like that. Take most, put them together. We’d sit there for hours listening to messages on the phone. Me and my wife, I’d get on a Saturday morning Bible study. I wouldn’t miss that for nothing because I always learned something new. Even when going back to the Mennonite church, I’d sit there in the pew and the preacher would preach things. That just went through my heart. I couldn’t believe everything became new. And well, so stepping back, I realized as a young, self-sufficient lad, that boils down to pride. And so when God opens your eyes and you see things, I was still proud. I look back and I wonder, how does God deal with pride? That has caused me to think a lot about that ever since I… I realized I was a very proud person. And when I came to Christ, I was still very proud. Now that I see everything, what does that do to me? I didn’t take care of my pride. I suddenly was even higher than other people. I suddenly… And then talking to dad when I see things wrong, with my proud way of lording it over people and what they were all doing wrong, yeah, it wasn’t working well. I saw a Saturday morning Bible study where there was a Daniel King. Maybe some of you know him. He was giving a message or a teaching on Saturday morning Bible study. And I thought, King, he’s got to be an ex-Amish. Because all these questions on baptism and why this new thing? What do I do where I’m at? And how do I move forward? And it said Daniel King. And I thought, King, he must be an Amish. He must have used to be an Amish. He must understand what I’m going through and how to help me out. Help me move forward in life. What do I do with my baptism back where I was? And what do I do with the church I go to still? And all these things. And he left a phone number. I jotted it down real quickly and called him. And he, after a long discussion, I think he realized that the Spirit of the Lord was talking to me. And he said something. Well, we could come up and baptize you. We do that sometimes. Our church I go to commission. I was like, oh, I backed up. And I said, oh, I don’t know about that. Who are you? And are you ordained? Or what gives you the right to baptize someone? And I couldn’t go there. So we hung up on good terms. And I think he recognized and gave us some time. Maybe he prayed for me. I’m sure he did. Because I think I called him again next week. And it was a week later I was ready. I told him I’m ready. I don’t know. I talked with a neighbor of mine that was more of a, Baptist. And he thought I should get baptized again. There was very few people that I could talk to about that. But at the same time, we were having Bible studies. There was a big move of God in our community. There was a lot of brothers and sisters that were seeing their need for Christ in the Old Order community. There was probably 10 families or so. And we were starting to gather together, having Bible studies every Wednesday night. And, you know, at, there’s few of them that confess their desire maybe to get re-baptized. So I called him again and he, him and another brother came up to New York and me and my wife got baptized, re-baptized in our pond in the backyard. And I think that day there was maybe two other couples I got baptized. And boy, I could testify the grace of God pouring out on us those days. It was all so new. Heaven was open. That day. I don’t know. But needless to say, that evening, the community knew it already. I don’t know how they found it out. It just came out immediately. We got phone calls. I think it’s the first time I cried. My brother-in-law called me and chewed me out a good one. And I did not know what to do with that. I think it’s the first time I cried. Since I was a little boy getting a punishment, probably. I just didn’t cry. I was a tough man. I could take care of myself. Nobody told me what to do. But God softens the heart. And Jesus himself wept. So I believe it’s good to have some emotions. I think my emotions were just shut down. But anyway, the time came when they gave us a choice to either renounce your baptism or leave the church. And we went and visited the bishop and left. And yeah, that started a journey on where to go next. We traveled. I mean, I traveled down to Elam’s church there in North. Yeah, wherever that is down in Pennsylvania. I’ve been to Indiana. I’ve been to Virginia. Buffalo Valley. I was everywhere trying to figure out where do I belong. You know, jumping from a Mennonite to a Baptist was not in my vision. I thought at that time, charity type people must have all the answers. I listened to their messages. Their messages just spoke to me. So many messages. So they, so I thought they must have the, that’s where the truth is, but there was no charity church close by. So we just started, you know, more people got baptized and more people had to leave the church because of that. And then we just started gathering as a house church. And that went for a number of years. But like I said, there’s, it drew a lot of people. There was a lot, it was a swinging door. There was a lot of things that I don’t have the time to share. But we didn’t have an appointed leader. Each person took a turn, a sharing or moderating for the day and picking someone to have a message and all that. And then, you know, we had evangelicals show up. We had even a flat earther. We had all kinds of people. And I always would stop there and say, well, how do you, how do you pull together when we’re all thinking different? And then as time went on, so many different voices started, you know, I think, social media had its impacts. Some of the people that we repented and cried and prayed and had Bible studies with started changing their ways. And it was very hurtful. You know, questions came up on what’s wrong with pants and what’s wrong with the head covering and why the head covering, that’s a cultural thing. On and on, the arguments that everybody, and I always kept thinking, well, that’s, maybe the way you see, but I still cannot get around what the Bible really says. And I just couldn’t do that. But with everybody starting to get different thoughts, it came to a point where we had to disband, which was very hurtful. And I didn’t know what to do. I think it’s, I would honestly say that’s probably the darkest time in my life. I got so dark. I think I was smoking flax in the broken reed at that time. I didn’t know which way to go. I didn’t know. There was no church close by I was comfortable with. We tried visiting some churches. At the same time, my wife really struggled with some of her sisters going in other directions. She just got to a place where she thought maybe we’re just being religious. We need to get rid of everything. And I, me being the leader of the home, I really wrestled with that because I can’t force my wife to do anything. There’s no force in the kingdom of God. My wife chooses things. I can coach her, but maybe I could see it differently. But I just, to me, she could wear a head covering and not agree with our life. That would be terrible. We have to somehow come into agreement. It was just a very dark time of trying to figure out where I belong and what. And one of her dear, it’s my brother-in-law, or I shouldn’t say that. One of her dear sisters she confided with, very close with, changed her ways. And that so hurt my wife. And I think at that time, I started listening to all kinds of messages on head coverings, just trying to figure out where do I belong? What do I really believe? And I can honestly say, if I was away in Boston, Matthew Milioni has a three-part series on the head covering that brought me and my, I listened to it. My wife couldn’t hear anything from anybody on head covering. She just couldn’t hear it because it sounded so raw to her ears, like someone lording it down, just do this. But we listened to that one time on our way to Virginia. All three messages. And it brought my wife back. It was just the way he talked and the way he spoke it and his love for his children and his wife. My wife could hear him. And that started, that turned things around where she could actually hear it again and hear the Bible again. But there’s, I don’t know, even, there’s so much more to share, but we still were stuck at a place where we didn’t know where to fellowship. Alaska, just because the door opened. We had tried lots of different doors. Here we are in Alaska. The journey’s not over, but I’m going to have to wind it down so there’s space for some questions. Is that okay? Yeah, that’s totally fine. We may have to do a part two at some point. I could try that, yeah. Somebody actually sent me a message saying, hey, don’t rush it. We just, yeah, the idea of doing a part two was presented. Yeah, I can back up and start over because I feel like I really pushed it, put down the hammer there. Sorry about that. I’m open to questions yet for a few minutes or however long. I’ve got all night. All right. Well, thank you, Jerry. I really, really, let me turn the video on. Okay. I really, really enjoyed all of your sharing here and would love to hear more details. I know you, ran through it pretty fast there at the end, and that’s fine. Maybe we can do a part two. I’d certainly support that. One of the things that I’m hearing is when you, and that’s for anyone else that’s listening here, and it can be an encouragement. When we open our heart to God and seek Him and want answers from Him, He will come through in faithfulness. But the road is not easy. That’s the one thing. That we can all take away. It’s not easy. God is faithful. He will lead us. But when we come to Him, we have peace with Him. It’s wonderful. And it is. We should never lose that. But the road isn’t easy. Yeah, I can testify to that. I think I cried probably more since I’ve been born again than I did maybe as a young lad. I don’t remember crying. Spigot shut off and I did not cry anymore. I was done. I never cried. Thinking about the parable of the sower. The seeds that quickly take root and they grow up and then the sun gets hot and there’s no rain for a while and they just wither right up. I think that’s a reality. It’s a real temptation. And sadly, many people get into that category. They take off at a good start. And it’s wonderful. And there’s a good young plant that’s growing up. It’s promising. But hard times come. Trials come. Difficulties, misunderstandings, people going the wrong way and deceptions and whatever that press in on us. We need to have deep roots. That’s what it comes down to. We need to have our roots down and not give up easily. Young years and there was sin in your life. There was substance abuse. And you were just pouring yourself into your work and working lots of long hours, trying to find fulfillment in that. And then your journey over the years and finally coming to Christ. Let’s say 18 years old and just give you some good advice and you would have been able to take it. What would that advice have been that would have made the journey maybe not as long and hard to come to Christ? Yeah, that’s a question I’ve pondered a thousand times since I walked that life. Actually, it has given me a real burden for young boys. And youth men, I’ve been very active in reaching out to them and giving every chance I can to just try to pull them out. Because it seems like when you’re ashamed and afraid, you need someone to come alongside you to ask some hard questions sometimes. And I’ve wondered who would I be if I would have had a brother in Christ step up next to me and say, hey, how are you doing? Would I have been honest? I don’t know. But I never even had the chance. Nobody ever asked me anything. I was just the only guidance I had was obey the church rules, which I did very poorly in my youth. I was probably. I hated the wearing a hat. I just I just hated the identity. I never wore it. I honestly just wore it. In my rebellious years, I’d wear it to even not wear it till I was close to church. And then I put it on and bike in there. And going to a church building, I basically never wore my hat in my youth. I hated the thing. I hated what it meant. Yeah. Anyway. It’s been a burden. I actually just talked with a young lad last Sunday. Yeah, it was just a good talk. But then I felt so weak on what my answers are. I didn’t have much. I feel like God has dealt with my pride on. You know, when I opened my eyes initially, I had all the answers. And now I’m more in a place where, you know, God is bigger than me. His ways are way more than I can understand. I don’t know always. So I just try to point people to Christ. I can appreciate that. Many things we could continue talking about. Everything that you shared was encouraging to me. May it be encouraging to others that listen to it. And Brother Jerry, just continue on. And God still has more for us. We’re never done. There’s always more. And that’s a beautiful thing in our Christian life. We’ve never finally arrived until we see Jesus. There’s always more growth and others to help along the way. I’m going to just open it up a little bit. Is there anybody else that has any comments or questions? Well, Brother Jerry, I really appreciated your testimony. You and your wife have gone through a lot. The way of a transgressor is hard. You’ve had a hard life. You’ve traveled through many difficulties. And it’s beautiful to see bloom and blossom and see your family grow. That’s a real blessing. I know you weren’t able to finish up very well. I wonder in the future, if we would have you on, would you? Well, the part of your testimony of there was many of you that made a beautiful beginning in following Christ. And then the thing just disintegrated. People got scattered, you know, went all different directions and stuff. It seems like it’s a bit of a pattern from people coming out of like old order type of cultures to do that. I feel like I kind of keep seeing the same thing repeated. Over and over again, like the same mistake being made. Do you feel like if we’d have you on in the future that you would be able to share that journey and share some good advice for older type of people, you know, give them some direction if they choose to leave their communities? I would be happy to. I don’t know that I have the answers, but I would be happy to. I share some of my experiences and some of my thoughts along the way. I had, obviously, again, a lot of water has gone over the dam since we left the Mennonite Church. And, you know, I get nervous about, next thing you know, I’m preaching. I need to be focused on how this, you know, this, yeah, stay with my experiences. There’s always Bible verses cropping up and all that, but I need to, I would be very helpful. I’m really happy to do that because I did, I did push through very fast. There was, there was, I could honestly say life wasn’t easy when I was a youth, but it got harder when I was a Christian. I can say that. You were able to weep and all that. Yeah. That’s beautiful. My safe place became my, my barn upstairs in my hay mouth. Yeah. And I do want to say, like, we’re not here to tell people they need to leave their older communities. That’s not what we’re about. It’s, it’s more like we, we have seen many that have found Christ that had a beautiful testimony that was very inspiring. But then down, you know, you follow them for five years, 10 years, and it’s kind of like, where the world, how the world did they end up going the direction they did? So I think that’s what we’re here is to try to help those that have left our communities to continue. To not only start well, but finish well. So it’s the goal. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I guess I’d like to, sometimes I step back and I say some of the people, no, I don’t like to be a judge of, I’m not a judge. I can’t judge, but I sometimes wonder some of these people have they actually met Christ. Sometimes I wonder that, or did they see something and move upon different wants, needs? I don’t know. It’s just something that sometimes I think about, that I wonder is Christ Lord and King in your life. It was really tried for me. I can tell you that whether he’s Lord and King in my life or not. Yeah. I think everybody should be able to mute themselves. If somebody else wants to say something, I guess if you all can unmute yourself, turn your camera on and give us a signal, or whatever. Brother Jerry. Hey, brother. How are you? Very well. I just wanted to let you know that your bravery to share your story without reserve is very touching. And your story is very parallel to my own in a lot of respects. I don’t come from a plain background. I come from a world background. But it’s amazing every single time that I see the Spirit of Christ draw people together as they seek and desire for him sincerely. And I want to thank you and bless you in that. Appreciate that, brother. You holding fast to the truth? Yes. It’s nourishing. He’s the bread of heaven. Heaven from heaven. There we go. I’m glad you popped on. I’m very looking forward to your part two. Okay. Lord willing, I can help you out. Yeah. May God give the glory. Yes. Yeah, amen. Well, is there anyone else? Thank you, Terry, for coming on there. Anyone else that would like to say something right now? If not, I’ll just give you a little bit of time to come on. All right. If not, again, thank you for sharing. Jerry, would you close us all with prayer this morning yet? Yeah, sure. Gracious Heavenly Father, we bow for you this morning, thanking you that you are a redeemer. You have drawn millions of people from darkness into marvelous light. We are very thankful that you have not forgotten us. We are very thankful that you remain faithful even when we are unfaithful. We are very thankful that as a son, we sometimes find ourselves eating husks of the world. And I’m very glad that you receive us back with open arms, that we can have that bread from heaven again. And today we pray for each person that is listening. Your spirit would speak to them the deepest need of their heart. And let your marvelous light shine in the darkness. We pray that your Holy Spirit would go before each one. And we do thank you again that your word is alive. It does not die. It continues to feed, continues to grow. And we pray that we will be faithful witnesses and faithful seed sowers as we go from here. We ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen. Amen. Brother Jerry, thank you, everyone. God bless. God bless. Take care.